Remembrance
by Subservient Dreamer
Summary: She's tried so hard to suppress these memories, the memories of him that burn so strong in her soul. Oneshot that revolves around a past KikyouXInuyasha relationship. Slight InuyashaXKagome at the end.


**Notes: **In a reminiscing mood right now. Thought I'd write about my favorite living dead girl. (And this is my first attempt at a first-person POV, so please forgive me if it's terrible…and offer constructive criticism?)

So why am I doing this? I guess I'm just trying to shed Kikyou in a different light. I fell in love with her somber character. The fics that depict her as a nympho going after Inuyasha 24/7 are not only laughable in themselves, but completely OOC. I know that she may seem a bit… "heartless" now, but she has her reasons for the way she acts. I know in the past, however, she held strong feelings for Inuyasha and I also believe that those are the very emotions that carried over to Kagome in reincarnation. So no, I am not anti-Kagome/Inuyasha, I just want to see more pro-Kikyou fics, is all. At least give Kikyou a chance, man!

**Warning! **This hints toward a past Inuyasha/Kikyou relationship, so I ask you kindly leave if all you hold for her are harsh words. There is, however, a Kagome/Inuyasha ending. Sort of.

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, this little Kitty does not own Inuyasha…only this crappy little one-shot.

"_**Remembrance"**_

_I like to think that nothing, as well as no one, is born with a soul. When born into this world, humans are just the empty pages of a long, twisting novel. The memories we make; the people we meet, occurrences that we experience, good and bad, these are the words that imprint themselves onto our pages, thus creating and shaping our soul. No two souls could ever be alike. _

_As for the other things, such as a particular piece of land, or, for instance, the God tree, I believe they acquire their souls from the stories we attach to them and the memories that are made near them. _

_So what would the soul of the God tree be like, I wonder? Would it be romantic, from all the secret meetings in the magical hour of midnight held by young lovers who confess their love underneath its protective canopy? Or would it be joyful, full of mirth, because of the young children that climb its winding branches?_

_Or…would it be like mine? Storm-tossed and chaotic? Would it have absorbed the anger I put out fifty years ago? The confusion of betrayal?_

_I would like to think it has all of these elements. The romance can be found on the sweet noise of its rustling leaves, the joy can be found in the dance of the long, winding branches, and the pain…that can be found on the scar in its bark; the scar made by one, angry arrow._

* * *

"Thank you so much, Lady Kikyou! We'll miss you!" The voices of the children rang in my ears as I waved and made my way down the steep slope at the bottom of the village. As I gave one last smile to one of the young girls, I failed to notice a small pebble sticking out of the mud. It got lodged in the bottom of my sandal, and I teeter, on the verge of falling before said girl gasped and quickly ran to grab my hand.

I give her a thankful smile and scurry away, much more wary of any more pebbles that would like to trip me. I never had a good relationship with pebbles.

I feel something, something vile and bitter rise in my mind. The feeling of warm arms wrapped protectively around my waist is conjured up before I quickly wipe away a crystal tear drop and shake my head.

I find a large rock not too far away from the village in a clearing, and rest as memories stab at my supposedly "non-existent heart".

"_I don't see why you insist in following me, Inuyasha." The voice sounded exasperated, but with a bit of underlying humor. A snort could be heard as he finally made his presence visible. _

_The two walked side-by-side in the verdant field, spring gales tossing manes of silver and black around their faces. "You work too hard. I wouldn't want to see you tire yourself out." She glanced at him curiously. Realizing he said something **un**-derogatory or sarcastic, he sputtered before adding, "Because then who would protect **my **Shikon no Tama?" _

_Kikyou let out an airy laugh that brought a small smile to the hanyou's face. They continued their walk in a companionable silence. Inuyasha liked that about Kikyou. She never expected him to talk much, and Kami knows he never was one good with words._

_A startled squeak broke the silence however, and Inuyasha turned to see Kikyou, a look of surprise that was quite funny to see on her normally reserved face, falling toward the grass. He caught her just in time._

_Inuyasha held her like that, just a bit longer than necessary, feeling the soft curves of her waist through the fabric of her clothing. A pink tinge grew on her cheeks before she quickly scampered out of his warm and protective embrace, taking off her sandal and examining it closely._

_He walked over to her and she held her sandal so he could see it. "A pebble." She said simply, explaining the cause of her fall. His amber eyes watched her closely. Her face was painted with a rose blush, either embarrassed that she fell, or maybe it was because of the way he held her? He wondered. _

"_Ah…" She let out a noise half-way between confusion and stun as he moved closer, so close that she could feel his silver strands brush against her cheek. He leaned down and pushed a stray lock of raven strands from her face, and leaned down. _

"_You look really nice when you blush, Kikyou." A soft whisper brushed past her ears, and with that, he was gone; sprinting off to who-knows-where. The ever-reserved Kikyou was left with cherry-red cheeks, one sandal off, dangling in her fingers, and a completely bewildered look on her face. _

My throat tightened. Memories that were supposed to have left me with a warm, comforting feeling did nothing except fill me with bitterness, reminding me of the love I can no longer feel, am not allowed to feel.

With a breathy sigh, I push myself up, bow and arrow in hand, and trudge along the muddy path. I cannot stay in one place for long; I am forever a wanderer, a drifter. For if I do stay, if I do settle down, so will my thoughts. And my thoughts always turn back to you, Inuyasha.

Everything I see reminds me of you. When I look upon the tress that previously had lush cherry blossoms flourishing on their now-bare branches, I remember with a fondness I am not used to of how you would plant yourself, one leg lazily dangling off the branch, your startling golden eyes visible through the pink foliage…

"_So what do you plan to do?" _

"_Hmm?" Kikyou shifted her body so she could look up into the large cherry blossom tree. _

"_I mean, after the jewel. You don't plan to protect it forever, do you? What about your wants, and your desires?" A thoughtful look flashed on Kikyou's face. "My…wants and desires?" A sharp sigh left Inuyasha's lips. Jumping down, he fell to the ground with a cat-like agility and rested himself against the bark at the bottom of the tree._

_Hesitantly, Kikyou made her way over and sat down across from him. "I mean…what are your dreams? Your aspirations? There must be something you want to complete before you die, right?"_

_A heavy silence fell over them and Inuyasha began to wonder if he just should've kept his mouth shut. But after a few moments, she glanced at him from underneath dark lashes and gave a shy smile._

"_Well, I've always had a fondness for children. It may sound cliché, but I guess what I would want to do is raise a big family." _

_She raised her head to the sky, an endless ocean of blue, spotted with a few wispy clouds of white and sighed. Inuyasha watched her as she flopped back onto the soft emerald grass, folding her arms behind her head. _

_Soft, doe eyes watched the lazy wisps of white make their way across the vast sky, and soon, a pair of amber eyes began to gaze also as Inuyasha planted himself beside her. Both turned their heads towards the other, offering relaxed smiles before resuming their cloud-watching, just content to be in the other's presence._

This time, when I look up into the sky, I see no expanse of welcoming blue, but endless grey. Fitting for my mood, I suppose.

I continue to walk along the path, not heeding where I'm going, consumed by my thoughts. There's a bitter cold that nips through my clothing, but I welcome it.

And then I come to…that place. That place where you and I held one of the sweetest moments with each other. A deep sigh escapes my lips.

It was around mid-November and the weather was quite bitterly cold, but in the evening a strange, wondrous and most beautiful phenomenon would occur on the river, deep into the forest.

Because the water was warmer than the air above it, swirls of grey mist would rise and settle above the crystal blue depths, like steam rising from a bath. But when the evening sun would peek in through the dark canopies, the mist would take on a color of rose and wine that was breathtaking to behold.

Slowly, I find my feet taking me to the same spot we both stood, that place that was enshrouded in that mystical mist, as another memory that was trapped, forgotten, comes flooding back…

There was a magical quality to the air as I sat on a bridge of wood that stretched out onto the water and dipped my bare feet into the river. I didn't hear you coming…

_Quietly and slowly, as if afraid to disturb the young woman's peace, Inuyasha stepped onto the bridge. He watched the silken strands of raven, unbound, toss and twist in the gentle breeze that came so naturally on a night like this._

_There was something undeniably magical in the air that night, and Kikyou couldn't help but let her thoughts wander. So lost in them was she, she didn't even realize the very person on her mind was standing right behind her, a glint in his dazzling golden eyes._

_He took one hesitant step forward and called out her name._

_Hearing his voice, full of an emotion she couldn't name, she turned and met his gaze. Words were not needed as that look, deep and meaningful, said everything that was ever needed to be said between the two. Words would have made this moment seem disingenuous._

_Raising her feet from the cool water, she stood and watched him with a curious interest. He said her name again and she shivered. _

_Finally, he could no longer hold back the torrent of longing that overwhelmed him so, and he ran to her. He ran to her and fisted his hands in those silken strands of raven as his mouth devoured hers. _

_And she let him. For the first time in her life, Kikyou let her desires sweep her away, and she enjoyed every minute of it. The fiery feeling swept over them both, consuming them._

_And so, the two lovers stood seized in the other's embrace, letting their passion overcome them in the crisp night._

There is a salty wetness that flows steadily down my cheeks, and I can't control the shivers that rack my body. I continue on, furiously wiping at my cheeks as a hiccup erupts from my mouth every so often.

I can't tell you how long I stumbled on like that for everything in that moment of anguish was blurred, but things somehow became clearer, more distinct, as I neared the God tree.

Watery eyes fixated on the massive tree, I silently walked over and laid my hands upon it in a sort of reverence.

In that instant of clarity, I find the true essence of the God tree's soul. It embodies strength, nurture, protection. That's why, I think, so many stories are made here; both their beginnings, and their ends.

Slumping to the ground, I can feel the bitterness, the dejection of loneliness slowly trickling away like raindrops down the soft petals of flowers after the morning's rain.

Flashes come to me suddenly, a bright arrow cutting through the air, fueled by a moment's anger, embedding itself in the bark of the tree.

My own voice rings in my ears, deceptively clear despite the confusion and hurt I felt inside.

"_Inuyasha!"_

He turns, his widened golden eyes staring at me with disbelief, hand clutching the Shikon no Tama, and the rest…

The rest is history.

I reopen my eyes and gaze at the earth around me, blossoming with flora. I don't know why, but I feel…almost cleansed inside.

These memories of you, Inuyasha…they're wonderful. Standing up, I grab my bow and arrow which I previously discarded and head off, off to the next village. I have learned to live with these memories of you, and I will cherish them, for now…

Now it is time for you and Kagome to make your own story. Ours is done.

_**End**_

Leave your opinion, please? I really don't want anyone flaming Kikyou in my review box, it's just a waste of space. If you didn't like this story, however, (and have a valid reason _besides _not liking Kikyou) then feel free to tell me so. And why. Anything to help me as a writer is great.


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